Son's Big Day

Reblogged from fostadoptfoibles:

For all his challenges, Son's full of surprises, as is any kid, I suppose.  One recent day proved to us he possessed an ability we thought was rather scarce in his world.  Let me tell you about Son's Big Day.

As some of you who are familiar with ADHD know, absolutely everything is fascinating.  Trouble is, it's all fascinating, all at once, always.  

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fostadoptfoibles' description of ADHD is brilliant. If you know someone with ADHD you won't want to miss this post.

Are We Famished for Family?

Reblogged from The Goodbye Baby:

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In a recent issue of Psychology Today, Stephen Betchen, Ph.D., contributed an article titled “Why Adoptees Need to Find Their Biological Parents.” He states that adult adoptees “just seem to have an internalized nomadic notion that we don’t belong anywhere in particular. Even when we do settle somewhere we often work our asses off to prove our worthiness -- just in case anyone gets any ideas about putting us back up for adoption.”

Read more… 385 more words

It’s Time for a Blog Break!

We’re taking a blog break this week.  We’ll miss you and will try to read some blogs when we can.

Marisha is in rehearsal for a play, A Piece of My Heart (playing Leeann) which will be at the Los Angeles New Court Theatre May 24-26. Luanne has other writing projects which she needs to get caught up on.  Make it a wonderful week, folks!!

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If you’re in the Los Angeles area, you can buy tickets here to see this amazing play about six women in the Vietnam War.  Directed by Becca Flinn.

Where I’m “At” Today (and Happy Mother’s Day!!)

Photo by Marisha

by Marisha

I used to think that expectations were poison for the soul.

I used to blame my adoption for a lot of my actions.

I used to prefer to be down about it.

I’ve had a lot of disappointments and never thought I deserved better because of my abandonment issues.

Looking back on those times, I now realize how important it is to have patience.

Patience for myself and patience for understanding.

I’m 25 now–a woman–and everything has started to fall into place because I have allowed myself the time to understand my adoption and use it in a positive way. I know things will never be perfect, but my life is the best gift I could be given.

My mindset has changed and my outlook is now settling under a positive light.

Today I choose happiness . . .

All these downfalls have led me here in this moment: I am proud to be adopted. Proud to be different. And proud to share my stories and insecurities with you all.

Also, Happy Mother’s Day to all the women who gave people like me beautiful lives! My mum is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Who could hate adoption when I have a mother like her?! :) I love you, Mum!

Did You Notice the Cat in Our DWLA Gravatar?

by Marisha

Our whole family loves cats.  The one in our Gravatar is our first cat, Macavity, or as we call him, Monkeybunnyratowlpig.  When we found him as a tiny kitten living under our new house, I begged my parents to keep him, although we had always had dogs.

Mac is 15 years old and lives with my parents and three other cats, Pear Blossom, Felix, and Tiger.

I found my cat, Isabella Rose, at a shelter here in L.A. over two years ago.  Here are some shots of my Izzie Biz I took this week.

Izzie in the morning

Izzie checking out the morning

Izzie in the evening

Izzie tired from playing a game of straw

Network TV Subject: A Non-Traditional Foster Family

Here’s a new show, a drama, called The Fosters about a two mom family with both bio and foster children.  The executive producer is Jennifer Lopez.

Are you planning to watch it? Do you think it will be realistic?

A Korean Adoptee Has a Compelling Reason to Search for Her Birth Parents

What to Expect When You’re … Adopted

My search for my birth parents began when I got pregnant.

By |Posted Tuesday, April 23, 2013, at 9:00 AM

I was born to Korean immigrants in Seattle, and my confidential or “closed” adoption at the age of 2 months severed all ties between my birth family and me—until I set out to restore those ties a few years ago. Though I was always curious about my first parents and their reasons for giving me up, I had been focused on other things—going to school, graduating from college, finding a job, getting married. But after years of wondering, I finally had a compelling, undeniable reason to look for my birthparents, a reason I thought about night and day (and every time I caught a glimpse of my expanding waistline in the mirror): I was expecting my first child.

Read the rest here:

http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2013/04/when_an_adoptee_gets_pregnant_the_desire_to_find_her_birth_family_gets_stronger.html

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Paris Review – “Every Adoption is a Ghost Story”: An Interview with Jennifer Gilmore by Amy Benfer

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Here’s an interview of Jennifer Gilmore who wrote the novel The Mothers about open adoption from the perspective of a prospective adoptive mother.

The interviewer, Amy Benfer, once had almost placed her daughter with adoptive parents and changed her mind at the last minute.

Paris Review – “Every Adoption is a Ghost Story”: An Interview with Jennifer Gilmore, Amy Benfer.

A “Fair” Way of Encouraging Foster Care Adoption?

by Luanne

Have you ever been to an adoption fair?  If you haven’t, maybe you’ve seen one on the television news.  You know those tear-jerker short stories they run to make you feel good about watching their network?  It would be one of those–designed to make soft hearts feel that something is being done for foster children looking for forever homes.

But are they a good idea?  I’m sure there are pros and cons.  It’s good to encourage prospective parents to consider adopting older children and sibling groups. Nothing like having someone in your face to press home the fact that it might be possible to make the lives of these kids better.

I get an image, though, of the puppies and kitties which are brought to Petsmart on Saturday morning to find them homes.  That glass case of tiny kittens curled up together is an adorable sight, but look closely, and the cats are overwhelmed and frightened by what’s going on.  They get picked up and put down and there are swarms of strangers looking them over.

But at least cats aren’t being gawked at and handled by their own kind.  I can’t even imagine what it’s like for a human child to go through this experience.  After all, most of them are old enough to understand that they are being inspected and evaluated by strangers.  Their deepest hopes and fears are stimulated by the event.

The Christian Science Monitor published an article by Alicia Morga entitled “Adoption fairs are speed dating for kids. Families need ‘arranged marriages’ instead” a couple of years ago (March 4, 2011).  In the article, Morga describes her own experience with an adoption fair.

When I was ten years old in the early 80s, I participated in an adoption fair. My family of thirteen – two parents and eleven children – was dismantled when my youngest brother died of malnutrition. I became a ward of the state of California at the age of three. By the age of ten, I was a veteran of several foster homes and, with my options dwindling, was residing at a group home – a sort of juvenile hall with the décor of a dentist’s office – where they stick the “hard” cases.

Being Hispanic and older, my stock was depreciating fast, so my social worker lined me up with about 20 other kids at an adoption fair held at the Los Angeles Arboretum.

There among the trees and in full view of the Queen Anne Cottage, at the time also the backdrop for the popular television show, “Fantasy Island,” a carnival atmosphere was devised. There were popcorn, games of chance, and games of skill. Couples and families looking to adopt milled about. Ricardo Montalbán, the star of “Fantasy Island,” was rumored to be making an appearance.

The goal of the fair was clear to me, even if it wasn’t explicitly stated; I was supposed to sell myself. I stood next to a tree and did my best to appear good.

For a while no one approached me, and I watched other kids attempt to entice the Adopters with strong throws or pretty smiles. The fair encouraged mixing by holding games of leapfrog and partnered up Adopters with foster kids. Finally realizing, similar to a game of musical chairs, that parents were being snatched up, I waded in and leap-frogged a woman while launching a charm offensive on her husband.

I was all good manners and lots of smiles. The husband was brown like me, so I stood close to him hoping he would see himself in me and she, being of a lighter hue, would see what she liked in him in me. We made small talk while I walked the fine line between being pleasing and being obsequious, being engaging and being obnoxious, being energetic and being frantic. We spent about 40 minutes together.

The couple called my social worker a few days later and expressed interest in adopting me. Technically I was given a choice about whether I wanted to accept them as a placement. I say technically, because it’s hardly a choice when your social worker is telling you to get with the program or you’re going back to the group home.

Before I knew it and before the adoption was finalized, as is typical, I was moved into their house. It was pretty clear early on that things weren’t going well. There were red flags. But much like when you move in with a boyfriend, breaking up becomes harder to do. Plus, in the immortal words of my social worker, this was “my last chance.”

Turns out I “chose” adoptive parents who were wholly incapable of handling a ten year-old stranger in their home, much less their lives. I was a child, but I had already had a whole history – one that didn’t square with their expectations for a cute young girl, but was more akin to a distrustful, jaded old maid. It was a choice for me that resulted in some very difficult years until I turned 18 and moved out.

I’m not sure what the answer is because obviously it’s important to find homes with loving adoptive parents for children who need them and want them.

What do you think about adoption fairs?  Are they a positive development, a necessary evil or an evil which should be abolished?

Some Thoughts On Adoption: Part Two

Reblogged from Johnbalaya:

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(The Introduction to this series can be read here.  Part One can be read here.)

"Have you found your birth mother?" (or some variation of said question) is, more often than not, the first thing that people ask me when I tell them I'm adopted.  Honestly.  Nine out of ten times, I'm asked that question when I mention I'm adopted.  

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Here's an interesting post from a blogger who was adopted. Lots to think about and discuss here . . . .  
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