The Questions of Adoption

by Marisha

Hey world! I’m so happy to be launching this blog with my mum and finally putting my voice out there about adoption and the trials and tribulations that come with it. I was adopted from Seoul, Korea when I was 3 1/2 months old, raised by Caucasian parents, and surrounded by two different religions. My brother and I have had such an interesting upbringing–definitely not one that fits any sort of mold. Our lives are not painted from a black and white palette, but one that’s rich and colorful.

Smiling children

Marisha and brother Marc

It’s been a journey, full of more blessings than I could ever have imagined, and I have been given a life filled with opportunity, love, and possessions that didn’t teach me superficiality, but rather appreciation and respect for the simple fact “this is what hard work can get you.” I can thank my parents for that, for teaching me that nothing will just be handed to you–you have to wholeheartedly jump in the pool of life and seize the opportunities given to you.

As I get older, the questions of adoption and my birth parents become more apparent to me. I am 24 right now, and the last two years have definitely been my biggest transition time in terms of my identity (as with anyone, I presume). I have encountered a lot of beauty, but also have dealt with the strongest bouts of depression I have ever faced and events which have affected my personal and professional relationships. Problems have come to the surface which I didn’t know I had.

As I get further and further into learning about the woman I am, I can’t help but think that all that is unknown about my adoption has left me feeling a little empty. I have heard the story over and over that my birth parents were young and they were from different social classes and were not allowed to be married. That’s what led to my adoption.

Three women with baby in Korea

Baby Marishaย in Seoul with her foster mother and foster sisters

I have pictures from my foster family, but none from my birth family. The questions arise: “Who do I look like more?” “Do I have the personality of my mother or father?” And the most important, recurring question– “What are my genetics?” I suspect that I could find the answers to these if I looked hard enough, but maybe I like the idea of fantasy. I am an Aquarius after all, and we are the biggest in-the-clouds thinkers.

Whatever the answers, I hope you find this blog a space where you can follow me into this journey of my life as an adoptee. I hope you find it interesting and that you can enjoy all my personal stories and questions I live with everyday. Adoption is my big elephant in the room and if I weren’t to talk about it, people would think that I had a lot to hide about myself. But I don’t, and I want to be as open as possible. More to come . . . ๐Ÿ™‚

Comments

  1. Marisha, Your relationship with your mom is clear.. You both write from the heart and very well. I’ve shared it on my Facebook page because it is that good! Also, several of the students with whom I work are adopted and will find your blog refreshing. Marisha as a newfound relative in your family, I am honored to know you.
    Rachelle

    • Marisha Castle says:

      Rachelle,
      Wow, thank you so much for your what you wrote. Adoption has been such a big question for me in the past couple years and I love that you are sharing this. I hope that your students find clarity and don’t feel alone when reading this! take care x

  2. Beautiful, and so straight from your heart. I look foward to reading more to come.
    Harriet

  3. Lisa Ercolano says:

    So much is written about the experience of adoption by social workers and adoption professionals, much of which is useful to those of us who have built our families (at least in part!) via adoption. But rarer is the chance to hear about adoption — its challenges, struggles and joys — from the adoptees themselves. As the parent of a child adopted from China, Thank you, Marisha, for generously sharing your insights with us, and thank you even more for your clear and elegant voice! We want more!

    • Marisha Castle says:

      Hey Lisa! I’m so happy you brought that up because i think that is what inspired the idea. I’ve always wanted to bring more awareness to adoption because I know as I get older, i am realizing how much my adoption has affected my personal and interpersonal relationships in my life. I want people to feel that they aren’t alone and that their feelings are valid being an adoptee. A book can tell you all about the pros and cons of adoption, but until you hear specific stories from an adoptee, only then can you fully understand their experiences. Thanks so much for reading. I am so glad you are loving this. x

  4. What a great first entry in “Don’t We Look Alike?” You helped me understand the mystery of not knowing one’s roots and how that feels. Still there is much to rejoice in — an adoptive family that has nurtured you and given you a rich and colorful life. I look forward to your next blog entry!

    • Marisha Castle says:

      Wilma! thanks for reading! I am so excited that it finally launched! Your opinion means so much to my mum so I am flattered you like my post! x

  5. Carla McGill says:

    What a great blog topic, Marisha! I remember being office mates with your mom when you and your brother were newly adopted little ones and how happy she was. I love being able to see who you turned out to be and to appreciate the blossoming of your many talents! The ambivalent feelings about it all must be somewhat difficult to sort out for both you and your brother, and I wish you both well as you navigate through that territory. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Marisha Castle says:

      Hey Carla!
      thank you so much! I am so excited about this blog and bringing awareness to the other side of adoption instead of the black and white parts of it. I hope that my brother can get on this too! ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. I look forward to reading more on your blog!
    Blessings,
    Delana

  7. Marisha, great big thanks to you and your mom for sharing your stories. I think everything we can learn about our individual experiences helps bring all of us together. I appreciate you opening your home and your heart for us to take a peek inside, grow and better understand! I expect I will learn a lot from your journey.

    • Marisha Castle says:

      I am so glad we are touching you! I really hope that more adoptees start coming to the blog and that it gives them an outlet to express themselves as well! x

  8. Barbara Crawley says:

    Hey, Marisha! Thank you for sharing the the beginning of your story with us. Your honesty about the questions you have, the transitions in your life and the challenges you face are very thought provoking. I’m looking forward to reading more…..

    • Marisha Castle says:

      Thanks Barbara! This is only the beginning and pretty soon, I will be airing a lot of clean and dirty laundry about my inner struggles because I want to be as open as possible! thank you for supporting!!!!

  9. Marisha: I admire your candor in writing this post. I sense that you are completely immersed in discovering your beginnings and endings and I look forward to reading more of your perspective. Your voice definitely rings authentic.

    • Marisha Castle says:

      wow, thank you! It definitely is refreshing to open myself up even tho it can be just as scary! i always wanted to give an opinion about something i am passionate about, and this is one of them! ๐Ÿ™‚ thanks for reading! take care x

  10. Marisha, I have some of the same questions you do, as I was adopted from India when I was about 2. I similarly wonder about my genetics, social history, whose smile I have…etc. I don’t have any pictures of my biological parents or much information on them really, but reading through my parents adoption application was served as comforting in times when I want more certainty about my past. Sometime its almost like I’m just asking the question “where did I come from”. Anyway, sorry for the ramble. In short I look forward to reading more of your blog and if you are interested take a peek at a few of my entries. I am new to blogging as well.

    • Marisha Castle says:

      Hey Kumar! I am so happy you reached out! i would LOVE to read some of your posts. I hope that people like us can bring more and more awareness to the questions we both have. I have grown up in a very interesting setting and it’s hard to find other adoptees who knows exactly what you are going through. So happy I am not alone! ๐Ÿ™‚ i look forward to many more conversations with you. Take care x

      • Thanks for replying Marisha. Yeah I have quite a few friends who are adopted, but none of them international adoptions and they don’t really want to talk much about it, which is fine, but I like to. It is good to find other people who have had some first and experience with it. Keep up the writing and hopefully we’ll keep sharing stories/experiences.
        -Kumar

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