Marisha Interviews Mum

1. How old were you when you realized you would be interested in adoption?

When I was a little girl I read Louisa May Alcott’s book Jo’s Boys and fantasized about giving a home to lots of children who didn’t have families.  When I was in my early twenties and newly married, I heard that they didn’t have enough African-American families for African-American babies who needed permanent homes and your dad and I talked about one day adopting one of these children.  By then I had decided that four children were going to be enough to keep me busy and not too irritable.  Of course, later on, after we adopted Marc I figured two were going to be enough ;).

2. Did your own brother’s adoption influence your interest?

I think it probably did because I knew what it meant to love someone who is related to you by adoption.

3. How did you choose South Korea as the country to adopt us from?

Your dad and I went to an adoption information meeting.  At that time, we were still thinking African-American + baby.  They told us at the meeting that in Michigan it wasn’t allowed for white couples to adopt African-American babies (in those days).  African-American interest groups had lobbied for that law because they were afraid the children would lose their cultural heritage.  There were representatives from five agencies speaking at the meeting and the only agency that was placing babies was Bethany.  They were placing Korean babies from Holt International.  Asia seemed like a good match for us (this is a little tongue in cheek) because, as you know, your Dad has always been fascinated with everything Asian.  At one point he planned to get his master’s degree in Chinese (nope, not Korean).

4. That’s why Marc and I have always said Dad’s a wannabe Asian.  What was the first experience where you found that a lot of society wasn’t used to the idea of adoption?

You can go back and read my very first post on this blog for that.  It was when I had a friend named Jane . . . .

5. Did you understand the concept of adoption childhood trauma?

I think I have understood what an impact the adoption process (which includes the relinquishment, first and foremost) makes from the time you and Marc were babies.  Although we didn’t have the internet to get information quickly, I’ve always read a lot.  I also have a good imagination and so am empathetic.  However, what I didn’t get (and I’ve written on here about that, too) was that the rest of society doesn’t necessarily have the understanding that your dad and I have had.  Not that we’re some special people–there are lots of adoptive parents who understand the situation of adoptees–but so many people whose lives are not touched by adoption really do not “get” it.  I’ve particularly been disappointed that therapists and medical doctors have a superficial intellectual knowledge but no real understanding.

6. Did you ever regret the feeling of not being able to have your own children?

Dad and I made a conscious decision for me not to go through a pregnancy because of my health.  Neither one of us had regrets at all about adopting.

7. Did you worry or find it hard to connect with us as children because of the adoption?

No and no.  I can’t imagine that.

8. Is parenting easier or harder with adoptive children?

Well, I don’t know because both my kids are adopted.  Many kids have special issues.  One might be autistic.  Another might be blind.  Another might have an IQ of 200.  They all need individualized parenting.

9. Are you happy or indifferent about us not having your or dad’s genetics?

There’s a lot of trouble you guys might have avoided by not having them so we’re good on that count ;).

10. Do you hope that we can find our birth parents? Or do you think it would be hard for you to see?

I hope that you and your brother can do whatever is the best thing for you.  If you decide to search, I hope you will do it when you feel ready and that you have a good end result.  I can’t say what that might be because it’s all unknown.  I would leave that in God’s hands and just pray that whatever is best happens.  I want you to be happy and healthy.  I don’t want you to hold off searching because you think it would hurt my feelings or Dad’s feelings.  I don’t want you to search without first doing soul-searching either–figuring out how best you can protect yourself if the situation doesn’t go as you hope or as you fantasize.  I would want you to have a system in place–friends you can count on for the process and even a therapist in place before you do it.  Do lots of research and decide how you want to handle things.  Maybe you don’t even want to involve Dad and me.  Maybe you do.  Whatever you think is best after you have your support team in place and research done.

11. Would you want your kids to adopt or produce children of their own?

Whatever makes you guys happy :)!

13. If you could adopt a child from any other country, what country would it be?

I’m too old for little ones!

14. Who is your favorite child?? bahahahahahahaha 😉

Did you and Marc get the memo about that Lois Hill bracelet I love?

15. Do you think adoption influenced our family’s desire to adopt, not buy, animals? esp. kittens?

[Laughing so hysterically I can’t speak]

Um, no, I think your dad and I just can’t say no to cute furry animals.

Comments

  1. Lisa DeNike Ercolano says:

    Marisha and Luanne, I enjoyed this so much! Marisha’s questions are insightful and fun, and your answers are thoughtful and honest. Marisha, this fan is asking you to continue the interview with another installment. Your public demands it! 🙂

    • haha thank you Lisa! I love interviews esp. when i can put my mum on the spot! haha I am sure more will be coming! x

  2. Barbara Crawley says:

    Loved this, I really like the interview format. Found both this interview and Luanne’s earlier interview of Marisha a very enjoyable read. More! More! (maybe Marc, next?)

    • I would love for Marc to do that! Maybe sometime in future. I am so glad you liked the interview tho. My mum had such great answers!

  3. You two have a great rapport. I enjoyed the humor as well as the serious insights. Your mutual love shines throughout this Q & A.

  4. Laughing my socks off at the final few questions … 🙂

    Here’s a question for you: where’s question number 12? ;/

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