Today I went to a Funeral

Change Sails

Content Note: Suicide

Never in my life would I have ever predicted that I would attend a funeral in Korea. Yet, here I am writing about going to a funeral today that I have nowhere to begin. My heart aches and I feel like I have so much to say, but I’m just so emotionally drained at this point to even write it coherently. I went to an adoptee’s funeral. In the past month alone, six adoptees have taken their lives, one of which was Phillip Clay, a Korean American adoptee. He was deported in 2012 due to his undocumented status. It is important to note that all research shows that adoptees are overrepresented in statistics on mental health issues and suicide. This was not an isolated incident nor the last one. My heart aches because this community is so invisible. We are invisible because we are Asian, we…

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Speak Up for #CitizenshipForAllAdoptees — Red Thread Broken

Originally posted on common ground: The Child Citizenship Act of 2000 (CCA 2000) was passed with the intention of providing automatic U.S. citizenship for international adoptees. It has, however, a serious loophole: its provisions do not apply to adoptees who were 18 year of age or older when it went into effect on February 27,…

via Speak Up for #CitizenshipForAllAdoptees — Red Thread Broken

DWLA Wishes You a Happy Hanukkah!!!

And for a wonderful Hanukkah 2013!!!!!!!!!!

Don't We Look Alike?


Hanukkah begins at sundown tonight and lasts for eight nights.  If you celebrate the holiday, enjoy your latkes and sufganiyot (fried filled doughnuts).


Luanne and Marisha

P.S.  For adoptees with holiday “issues,” here’s an article to show you’re not alone.

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NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams – The Lost Children

This blog post shares a link to the NBC story about “re-homing” (ridiculous word!!!) of international adoptees.

Adopted from China

NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams – The Lost Children

International adoptees who have been “re-homed” are featured in this national news story from Kate Snow. 

This story is so sad, but I am glad that adoption stories like these are being featured nationally. It is important to bring awareness to some of the darker aspects of adoption. Not every story will have a happy ending once an adoptee is placed in a home. 

I cannot imagine facing the same situation as Nora Gateley, the interviewee who was adopted from China. Parents who wish to adopt need to understand and accept the responsibilities they will have once they bring a child into their home. If they are not ready to deal with the consequences of parenting and adopting, they should not become parents. 

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The Choice Myth

Robyn’s latest post addresses the issue of “choice.”

Holding to the Ground

When prospective adoptive parents start specifying what they want in a child, there are people who like to say, “But if you were having a baby, biologically, you wouldn’t get that choice.” I already wrote about what PAPs get to do in adoption. Today, I’d like to look at the choices that biological parents have in pregnancy.

Let’s look at what adoptive parents get to specify when they adopt:

  • Age
  • Race
  • Gender
  • Substance exposure
  • Family health and mental health history
  • Certain special needs (deaf, blind, cerebral palsy, and so on)
  • Circumstances under which the child was conceived (rape, incest, prostitution, unknown birthfather)

Let’s look at what biological parents get to specify when they have a biological child.

Age. If you’re choosing to have a child biologically, you’re pretty certain that you will have a baby. I don’t know of anyone who has birthed a 5-year old.

Race. If you…

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The elephant in the room: Poverty and adoptable children

A very thought-provoking post by Menomama3 . . .

Son’s Big Day

fostadoptfoibles’ description of ADHD is brilliant. If you know someone with ADHD you won’t want to miss this post.


For all his challenges, Son’s full of surprises, as is any kid, I suppose.  One recent day proved to us he possessed an ability we thought was rather scarce in his world.  Let me tell you about Son’s Big Day.

As some of you who are familiar with ADHD know, absolutely everything is fascinating.  Trouble is, it’s all fascinating, all at once, always.  The first time we took Son into Manhattan I thought he was going to explode.  We weren’t even in that exciting of a neighborhood, but there was so much stimulation occurring he literally became dizzy.  You and I might not think about it, but any kid on his first trip to the Big City’s going to be a Jackson Pollock painting.  For Son, it was a JP painting in a spin dryer.  Take, for instance, First Avenue.  All sorts of vehicles on it.  Most of us just…

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Are We Famished for Family?

The Goodbye Baby

In a recent issue of Psychology Today, Stephen Betchen, Ph.D., contributed an article titled “Why Adoptees Need to Find Their Biological Parents.” He states that adult adoptees “just seem to have an internalized nomadic notion that we don’t belong anywhere in particular. Even when we do settle somewhere we often work our asses off to prove our worthiness — just in case anyone gets any ideas about putting us back up for adoption.”

He further points out that many adopted children feel that “they need to embark on a biological search even if they had a positive experience with their adopted parents.”

Betchen, himself an adoptee, hit the nail on the head for this particular “lost daughter.” I had a very positive experience with my adoptive parents, but it’s also true that the urge to have blood relatives, DNA-related family, has always gnawed away in the back of my mind…

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Thoughts On A Transracial Adoptee’s Identity In Relation To Authority & Voice


In my piece “To JK Rowling, From Cho Chang,” I misrepresented both Chinese and Korean naming practices. First, though I knew that Cho and Chang could be Chinese names, I phrased the joke in a way that did not show that information. Second – Chang, if it is a Korean name, should be pronounced Chong/Jong (장). Unfortunately, this line got turned into a gifset (gotta love Tumblr) and it understandably offended many people. Though I was trying to prove that Cho Chang’s name was stereotypical and badly researched, I ended up perpetuating further ignorance.



But this post is not about my embarrassment or guilt. I’ve done my best to address my mistake in my subsequent blog posts and response video.



This post is talking about why I made this mistake, and how it relates to my identity as a transracial adoptee.**

I grew up in a…

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The Long Story in Short Takes: Matthew Salesses’ I’m Not Saying, I’m Just Saying

16256715We asked a new MN blogger (tinyprivatejet) to review Korean adoptee Matthew Salesses wonderful book I’m Not Saying, I’m Just Saying. The blogger loved it, and gave it a big thumbs up!

The short short story has been around through the literary ages, brevity and verbosity taking turns in fashion.  The term Flash Fiction arose with the new millennia and the dowdy “short short story” emerged reborn as the righteous Flash Fiction.  And we like it.

Fancy modern monikers aside, it is often within mundanity that we live the small episodes that comprise our modern life.  Further, within the person next to us, we find different versions of ourselves.  And so it is, in the pithy yet detachedly casual poetics of Matthew Salesses flash fiction novel, I’m Not Saying, I’m Just Saying, that we see a life in flash fiction.  Herein lies the story of a lost…

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